Monday, January 31, 2011
"No even se."
Maggie and I have been working on our Spanish speaking skills, but sometimes English phrases are a little hard to translate over directly. For instance, the common response of "I don't even know." We weren't sure of the word for "even" in this case, so "no se" (I don't know) has morphed into the Spanglish phrase, "No even se." Our neighbors and friends have even incorporated into their conversations, so it might be official soon - Maggie is kind of a trendsetter that way...
The day before yesterday, my teacher read this quote at the beginning of meditation for us to think about:
“Have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart. Try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books written in a foreign language. Do not look now for the answers. They cannot be given to you now because you could not live them. It is a question of experiencing everything. At present, you need to live the question. Perhaps you will gradually without even noticing it, find yourself experiencing the answer, some distant day.” –R.M. Rilke
Week three of intensive yoga has been long. On the physical level, my body has protested louder and louder with each two hour morning practice at 6AM, and it’s been emotionally draining as well. Everything is slower here. And everything that creates the illusion of defining who I am is far away in Seattle – friends, family, church, home. I feel stripped and nakedly aware that I haven’t discovered yet an intention and dream for my life, let alone my yoga practice. Is there such a thing as quarter-life crisis? Who am I really? Who do I want to be? I’m not exactly sure what it means to “live the questions,” but for now I’m just trying to sit in the same room with all of them, ignoring the knocks on my door from anxiety and self-judgment.